So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
