why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I will pee on everything he values.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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