someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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