Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
