He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
