I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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