If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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