At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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