So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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