bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
