i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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