it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
