Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
