There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
