You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
