Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
