So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
