its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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