I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
