Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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