The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
