what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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