I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
