pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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