i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
