Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
