I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
