Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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