Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
