There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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