I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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