She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
