I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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