just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
