can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I still have a little drunk in my system
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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