You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think I sprained my soul last night
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
