Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
