sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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