You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
