Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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