I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
splinters make it hard to masturbate
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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