hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
