i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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