Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
