Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
