Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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