Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
