Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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