his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
