Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
